I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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