when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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