jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
