birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
