I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
