The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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