pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
