he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
