Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
