The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
