Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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