so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
