real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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