Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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