Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
