hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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