My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You took a bar mat shot.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
