the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
