I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
