Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We left the knife in your bed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
