Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
