Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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