Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
