I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
