I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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