Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
