and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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