but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
