Nicole vs. Life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
