ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She is in my trunk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
