C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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