I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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