Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
