You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
