Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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