operation have a gay friend backfired
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
