I'm going to jail i love you
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
