Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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