Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
