Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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