i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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