Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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