Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
