you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
