My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
