Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
