If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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