I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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