p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
