Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
