Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
