Who wears a wallet chain?!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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