Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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