...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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