he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
