Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
