if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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